Beacon Raises Tuition Prices
by Troumvirate
Summary: And Ruby isn't happy.


Ruby was furious. Furious! After complaining long and hard to her friends about this shit, she decided that it was time to talk to the man himself. The head honcho. The big cheese. The one in responsible for her current situation. Professor Ozpin himself.

Storming into his office, Ruby squeaked indignantly at the man. "Professor Ozpin!"

He looked up from his paperwork, presumably a list of boxes that needed to be checked for his next project. "How can I help you, Ms. Rose?"

"You're raising tuition prices for Beacon Academy! What the actual fuck!"

"Ah, I understand," he said, standing up and walking over to the window. His hands were clasped behind his back, so he looked professional and cool and like he actually knew what he was talking about. But this is Ozpin we're talking about here, so he doesn't actually do or know anything in this show. It's almost as if millennia of existence haven't taught him a single thing. "Yes, prices have gone up. I assure you that it's completely necessary."

Ruby wasn't convinced, but decided to probe further for answers. "Is it to pay all the professors for their long hard hours of overtime teaching us?"

Ozpin laughed heartily. "Oh goodness no. Why, they're lucky to even be employed by such a fun and professional academy. Truly Beacon is the epitome of a non-toxic working environment where there are no cliques or politics which make people feel isolated and outcast."

"What about Ms. Goodwitch? She's always getting angry about stuff. If this place was so great why would she be angry?"

"Oh, Glynda? Yeah, we had to let her go years ago. Too much rocking of the boat about things like equality and proper credit where it's due. Doesn't she know that our academy is all about equality? I mean, we turn people gay faster than the water-drinking frogs that Alex Jones rants about."

Ruby raised a finger in protest. "But I just saw her yesterday."

"Did you, Ms. Rose? Did you really?"

See that? That's Ozpin being shady. And Gray. Or grey? Whichever way you wanna spell it. He's such a mysterious and compelling character. He's the man behind the curtain. Manipulating everything behind the scenes. Ozpin is so cool. And everyone's anger toward him in volume 6 was totally justified. It wasn't forced at all. Honest! It wasn't!

"Okay, but if the lien isn't going to the staff then where is it?" Ruby asked.

"Why, to fund Atlas' new gigantic battle mech of course."

"Battle mech?"

"Yes. Huntresses are such old hat, Ms. Rose. We need something new. Fresh. Exciting. And Atlas' new mech is just what the doctor ordered."

Ruby stared at him blankly like he was an old man completely out of touch with reality. "Ozpin. You're looking for new and exciting ideas, and a giant mech is what you came up with?"

"Yes," he said in a Principal Skinner Steamed Hams tone.

"But, but huntresses are so much cooler! We have neat outfits and cool weapons! Special powers! Scary monsters! Giant mechs will never be cooler than us."

The man sighed heavily. "Not yet. It's true that Atlas' first giant mech was a complete failure when you think about all the money and production put into it, but that's why we need to try again. We plan on producing a second giant mech to try and bring us out of the red."

"Why would you do a second giant mech if the first one wasn't super successful?"

"Because we realize that less and less people are attending Beacon Academy these days. A series of scandals and unpopular decisions make the school much less appealing to attend. Huntresses just aren't as cool as they used to be. Therefore we need to diversify Remnant's defenses, and we figured that a giant robot would be the best way to do it."

"I still think this is a terrible idea. Huntresses have been the flagship of Remnant's defenses for years now. You should really be putting more resources into us in order to make us great again. To remind people of why they fell in love with huntresses in the first place."

Ozpin leaned in close to Ruby, shielding his mouth with a hand. "What if I were to tell you the giant mech is voiced by none other than... Michael B. Jordan?"

"Michael Jordan!?" Ruby squealed.

"No, no, not Michael Jordan. Someone much better than the NBA legend. _The_ Michael B Jordan who starred in the 2015 hit movie Fantastic Four. Oh and Black Panther."

Ruby supposed that tidbit of information was supposed to impress her. But... really? Killmonger? The movie wasn't even that good. It's like Ozpin thought of this idea when Black Panther came out and Jordan was at the height of his popularity, but didn't take into account that it'd take time to build the giant mech, and by the time it was ready that the actor would no longer be relevant.

"I'd call that a huge waste of money for just a voice," she replied. "It's not like you got Robin Williams to voice The Genie or anything memorable like that. This is just some guy."

"Ruby, Ruby, Ruby. You ignorant, high-pitched child. Don't you know you have to spend money to make money?"

"And how much money have you made?"

"Enough to force us to raise tuition costs," he said smugly.

"But you're raising tuition for my dad too!"

"Yes, and?"

"You said that his student loans would be grandfathered into any increased tuition rates! And he would never have to pay more!"

Ozpin laughed again. "Oh, Ms. Rose. That's what we here in the entertainment business call, lying through our teeth. Because in the end we know that only a small, vocal minority will speak up, and the majority of people will just keep paying their money like good little drones."

Ruby's hands rose to her mouth. "You're pure shades of gray, Ozpin!"

"Muwahahahaha!" he laughed evilly. "Yes, do you see now how morally gray me and the rest of the Ozluminati are? I have so much depth that you and the rest of your friends have to stay in the kiddie pool area!"

"Will we at least get more classes?" she asked hopefully. "Better curriculum? Anything new for our lien?"

"Of course not. Why, the services we provide already are so cheap that we're criminally undercharging you for your education as it is. You should be happy to pay us what you are, and more, for what you get. In fact, you should pay us strictly to show you support us and our efforts in defending Remnant."

"Oh."

The end.


End file.
